Taste of Azeroth: Dirge's Kickin' Chimaerok Chops

It's a strange thing to salivate over digital food, but the sweet and savory local specialties throughout Azeroth look delicious to me. And so, I bring you a new series: Taste of Azeroth! Each post will highlight a different dish found within the World of Warcraft, and speculate on how it could be recreated.

Today's focus is Dirge's Kickin' Chimaerok Chops. Only the most persistent cooks will have the know-how to produce this fiery entree, as the epic-quality recipe is a reward earned during the arduous Scepter of the Shifting Sands questline, though it would be possible to pick it up (at a hefty price) from the Auction House. Invented by Gadgetzan-based goblin butcher Dirge Quikcleave, this recipe uses goblin rocket fuel to add an extra kick. The chops are made from the tenderloin of elite Chimaerok, who inhabit the Isle of Dread off the coast of Feralas.

Ingredients

• 1 barrel of Goblin Rocket Fuel
• 1 pinch of Deeprock Salt
  
• 1 Chimaerok Tenderloin

Combine all ingredients over an open fire. Restores 4320 health and provides a +25 buff to Stamina for 15 minutes.

Now let's recreate a meat-world version of this meal.

1. Goblin rocket fuel is made from firebloom and volatile rum. To give you an idea of its potency, just keep in mind that it's an essential component in various kinds of firework launchers. I estimate that Firebloom can best be approximated with a blend of cayenne and garlic, and you can likely find some volatile rum at any liquor store.
2. Deeprock Salt can't be collected from the Azerothian landscape, so its ultimate source is unclear (though its name suggests it originates underground, perhaps in Blackrock Mountain). The salt used in this recipe is unprocessed (as opposed to Refined Deeprock Salt, for example), so coarse sea salt would be a good substitute.
3. Chimaeroks are moderately large animals, yet still dainty enough to fly. Their sharp teeth suggest that they're carnivorous, and they have horns (as well as two heads). Recipes like Kohda's Kickin' Chops on Nourish use pork, but I think lamb would better approximate Chimaerok in terms of physiology (at least as far as any mammal can approximate a two-headed armless horned flying digital beast).

Mix together your rum, cayenne, minced garlic, and salt. Slice up the tenderloins into individual servings and add them to this mixture in a sealable container or ziploc bag, and let the whole thing marinate for several hours. Grill or roast to perfection, and enjoy!

Food Production: Agriculture

After a lengthy diversion, this post continues the series on food production in Azeroth by looking at the fine art of digital agriculture. Grains, vegetables, fruits—if the grocers and bakers in Dalaran sell it, then a farmer probably provides it. All this food production seems to happen invisibly, but surely there must be enormous spice fields supplying raids with buff food, rippling wheat fields providing flour for each faction's traditional bread, large-scale orchards whence fruit-sellers like Applebough get their organic wares, and vast vineyards stocking the wine-cellars in every town inn (keeping in mind that when in Dalaran, the custom is to drink only half one's glass of wine, inflating the quantity required to quench Dalaranian thirsts).

I took a brief tour through Azeroth in search of large-scale agricultural endeavors that might supply Azeroth's hungry citizens. My observations are mostly focused on the Alliance; the Horde can probably get by just fine relying solely on cannibalism or grazing (I kid, I kid). In my opinion, Humans seem to be the only ones pursuing any kind of organized agriculture; the Draenei and Gnomes are both still coasting on their refugee status, the Dwarves enthusiastically stave off hunger with beer, and the Night Elves simply hibernate in the Emerald Dream when they get a little peckish. Well not really, and in fact there are some respectable Dwarven farmers in the mountains between Ironforge and Menethil Harbour. There are fields in a number of Azeroth's zones, primarily in the Eastern Kingdoms where the Humans have radiated from their ancestral home of Stromgarde and developed various kingdoms. But the farms are, for the most part, now overrun by bandits, zombies, rabid beasts, or anything fundamentally hostile. All things considered, I think we should brace ourselves for widespread famine that is sure to come on the heels of agriculture's collapse, particularly if Azerothians continue to consume with reckless abandon.

Hillsbrad Foothills Food Industry

The Hillsbrad Foothills offer some of the most fertile soil in the upper Eastern Kingdoms. Tucked in the Alterac Mountain range, Ravenholdt Manor looks out upon a well-tended garden. Although Simone Cantrell (pictured at left) calls herself a "Landscape Architect," her modest garden plot features edible crops like mushrooms and leafy vegetables. This alpine garden is hidden away from inquisitive travelers with the aid of a well-guarded tunnel, and the Ravenholdt don't share their bounty with outsiders.

At lower altitudes, the commercial agriculture starts in earnest. The area known as Hillsbrad Fields, in particular, boasts thriving orchards, vineyards, and vegetable patches that produce bumper crops, with scores of peasants working industriously to bring in the harvest. Although fertile, this farming region probably only provides enough food for the Hillsbrad Foothills area; perhaps some surplus is sent to Stormwind via the port at Southshore, but likely not much. The Hillsbrad Fields region primarily supplies the produce section of the grocery store; grain crops are raised elsewhere in Azeroth.

Hillsbrad Fields boasts two whole fields of apple trees, industriously tended by peasants filling bushel baskets with the ripe fruit. In addition, the region is home to pumpkin patches (a crop that thrives just about everywhere in Azeroth, including plagued areas) and grape vines.

Grain Farming

Westfall was probably once the breadbasket of Azeroth; the sunny plains are just right for grain on the numerous farm estates. Unfortunately, the many of the fields have been overrun by hostile squatters, so production has stalled in much of the zone. Nevertheless, there are still respectable farmers—like the Saldeans—who keep their foothold in Westfall.

Some of the encroaching squatters are bandits, like the Defias gang or the Riverpaw clan of gnolls. Vicious murlocs generally steer clear of the farmland, but hold the beaches of Westfall. In some areas, mechanical harvest golems appear to have malfunctioned and become dangerous, chasing farmers off their land—a classic tale of robotic inventions turning against their makers. Hungry vultures have descended on some fields, undeterred by scarecrows and wreaking havoc on crops. And on top of all this, prairie dogs run rampant throughout the entire zone, nibbling from fields and grain stores. There is little the farmers can do against such persistent enemies; calling in bounty hunters hardly makes a dent in their numbers. Most farmers, like Farmer Furlbrow, have been run off their own land and now spend their time fretting about belongings they have left behind, bereft of even a handful of oats with which to feed their loyal workhorse.

Highwaymen and menacing vultures aren't the only trouble, though; at that latitude, a perpetual autumn has set in. Although this makes for very fine harvesting conditions, the growing conditions aren't as prime. Everything has subsided into a dry, brown dormancy, with only the occasional patch of forlorn crop still standing unharvested. This zone certainly can't sustain vineyards anymore, like the one pictured at left. Those crackly brown leaves have died off, and no gentle spring rain will renew them.

One product Westfall does abound in are haystooks. The hay standing in golden bundles across the landscape could feed many livestock corrals, but Westfall itself has no meat industry. The hay could be exported to places like Hillsbrad that don't have much grain farming, but with the way things are looking in Westfall ecologically, it would likely be a non-renewable resource. The cropland is too dessicated—not to mention war-torn—to provide ongoing supplies of cattle feed. Perhaps some day the climate will change enough to raise new crops, and the Westfall farmers will reclaim their homeland from the bandits and wayward robots. Until then, the fields will lie in fallow and the stooks will stand mouldering.

In addition to Westfall's recently-abandoned agricultural lands, the other former Human kingdoms display fields in more advanced stages of decay. In Western Plaguelands—clearly once a farming region—both town and countryside has fallen to hordes of undead, and a thick hazy blight hangs over the land. In a grotesque twist of irony, the major farmsteads—once fertile sites of grain production—are now monstrous sites of plague production. There, enormous festering cauldrons perpetually brew a Plague of Undeath, distilling the plague into the air and creating the cloak of poison that hangs over the land. Tirisfal Glades—surrounding the pestilent Forsaken city festering below the ruins of Lordaeron—still holds decaying farming structures like windmills and granaries, but its fields are now zombie stomping-grounds.

Orchards

Some regions of Azeroth carry a reminder of long-abandoned agriculture. Total darkness has taken its toll on the Rotting Orchard, pictured at left. Located in Darkshire, this stand of lifeless, skeletal trees is now overrun by malevolent worgen. Evil lurks everywhere in the shadowy forests of Darkshire, and it would take massive ecological change for that zone to support agriculture again. Far to the north, overgrown orchards left over from happier times can be found in Silverpine Forest (pictured at right).

Fruits and Vegetables

Who doesn't love pilfering a ripe pumpkin fresh from the patch? Or plucking a succulent watermelon and enjoying it right off the vine? Pumpkins are an Azerothian favourite, and can be found in both well-tended commercial fields and small family patches. In Elwynn Forest, the major pumpkin supplier once cultivated Brackwell Pumpkin Patch in the Southeast; but beware if you're a green young toon hankering after a moon harvest pumpkin—both Defias thugs and dangerous swine currently patrol this farm. Similarly, Fulbrow's Pumpkin Patch in Westfall has been taken over by the Defias gang and feral harvest golems. Rogue pumpkin patches can also be found in overrun areas like Tirisfal Glades, thriving despite the contagion of their neighbours.

Watermelons, too, seem to be a favourite Azerothian crop. Elwynn Forest's Stonefield Farm is (so far) free from Defias banditry, though the farm's rivalry with the nearby MacLure Vineyards is a battle unto itself.

So commercial agriculture certainly exists in Azeroth, though perhaps not on a scale that could stave off food shortage. Tune in later in the Food Production series, when I'll tackle such fascinating topics as livestock, foraging, and hunting.

Exhibit: Thousand Needles

The world is going to change. There's no getting around it, and there's no going back. Some places will escape the environmental devastation unscathed and even oblivious, but others will drastically change. Whole settlements will evaporate into ruins; in some places, the present and the past will both be swallowed up, never to be seen again. There's a kind of sadness attached to this idea; the thought that an ancient shrine might disappear entirely severs a tenuous link to the legends of the past. Perhaps the most chilling part about the transformation of the world is the fact that it is more certain than death or taxes.

Thousand Needles is one such place; when the Cataclysm hits, most of this low-lying land will be flooded. In this exhibit of the Digital Museum, I'll capture what I can of Thousand Needles' rugged and doomed beauty.

Directory

The Great Lift
Pinnacles and Canyons
Shimmering Flats
Mirage Raceway
Low-Lying Civilizations
Gift Shop
Looking Ahead

The Great Lift

At the southern tip of the Barrens, the ground gives way in a steep dropoff into the canyon of Thousand Needles. Descending to the canyon floor from that dizzying height would be impossible without the ingenious elevator system developed by the Tauren, utilized in Thunder Bluff as well. By means of these lifts, the Tauren are able to avoid hostile creatures on the canyon floor, and inhabit the zone's rocky canopy. The Great Lift is the northern gateway to the desert, and deposits travelers into the dusty desert of Thousand Needles.

Pinnacles and Canyons

Much of Thousand Needles is a deep canyon pierced by the towering rock chimneys and hoodoos that give the desert its name. Some of the hoodoos are topped by large boulders that are perched so precariously that they constantly teeter dangerously, gyrating on their perches.

The very existence of the canyon reveals that a river once cut through this area, eroding the rock and carving out the gorge. The scorched basin that is now Shimmering Flats was likely once a lake or inland sea feeding this river, but it is suspected that the Great Sundering altered the land into its present arid form. The canyon is a beautiful shade of earthy red, interrupted by very little vegetation. A single oasis of scalding, stagnant water stands at the foot of Darkcloud Pinnacle, haunted by ill-tempered water elementals.

The largest pinnacles were sturdy enough for the Tauren to build settlements upon. Atop Darkcloud Pinnacle is the Grimtotem tribe, while the Horde Tauren have established Freewind Post—and tensions exist between the two tribes high above the canyon floor.

Shimmering Flats

Salt covers the ultra-flat reaches of this sun-scorched basin surrounded by steep cliffs. The ancient lakebed still holds signs of its underwater past. The wreckage of a large ship lies on the northern edge of the desert, leagues upon leagues away from the nearest sea-coast in Tanaris. In another area, the bleached remains of an enormous turtle bake in the sun.

The ship wreckage must have piqued the interest of curious explorers. The Explorers' League set up shop at the Rustmaul Dig Site in the southwest of Shimmering Flats, unearthing some large pieces of ancient stone masonry. But the dwarves dug too deep and disturbed a hive of silithids. Between the silithids erupting from the depths, and attacks from an Orcish party now holed up at Ironstone Camp, the dwarves were obliged to abandon the excavation. The artifacts now lie abandoned, the buried city foundations forgotten, and the ancient seafaring civilization unknown.

One question that arises is: why is there masonry buried in the lakebed? When did the city exist, and who built it? Was it built after the Sundering, and then fell quickly into decay? Was it an underwater city inhabited by an aquatic race while the lake was full? Or is it even more ancient, dating from some prehistoric age before the lake even existed?

Forbidding mountains ring the desert basin, but at the south is a gentle pass through the peaks into another desert world, with Gadgetzan sprawling at the Tanaris-side foot of the mountains pass.

Mirage Raceway

Have you seen the rocket-drawn chariots dancing across the desert? Careening around the track's curves, shuddering toward finish lines, exploding in spectacular fiery displays, incinerating upon impact with the unforgiving desert cliffs? The Mirage Raceway, set in the heart of the Shimmering Flats, is a long-standing tradition that will soon be drowned when the Cataclysm urges the sea into this low-lying desert. Goblin and Gnomish engineers compete to create powerful rocket-propelled racing vehicles. Debris from the raceway's mishaps is strewn about the entire Shimmering Flats.

At the raceway's centre are the goblins and gnomes who build and maintain the race-cars, as well as spectators and vendors of various races.


Low-lying Civilizations

The Galak Centaur have built encampments in the canyon, while the Gravelsnout Kobalds roam at the foot of the Great Lift. A clan of harpies lives in a cliffside cave that will surely be drowned. Aside from these humanoid civilizations, there are quite a few carnivorous beasts roaming the canyon bottom—rather more than a desert food-chain can support, I would think. Hyenas, cougars, stealthed cats, and winged serpents roam the canyon floor. In the salt flats are populations of scavenging vultures, landlocked tortoises, scorpions, and basilisks. On the southwestern edge of the salty basin, an abandoned archaeological digsite inadvertently unleashed a hive of silithids. Tucked in an enclave in the southern cliffside is a wyvern nesting-ground, high enough that it will only be partially flooded when the waters roll in.

Gift Shop

Tigule and Furor's Strawberry Ice Cream: The Mirage Raceway is renowned for this ice-cold treat, coveted by orphans around the globe and a delicious snack to cool you off in the parched desert, as you cheer on the race-car drivers. Brivelthwerp at Mirage Raceway is the only ice cream purveyor outside of Outlands, aside from the packaged version you can buy from vending machines on zeppelins.

Ancona Chicken: Also at Mirage Raceway is Magus Tirth, the only breeder/seller of the Ancona chicken pet. While some other chicken raiser might take up the torch, or the vendor himself might relocate, it's possible that the Cataclysm will spell doom for the Ancona chicken species as a whole. Get yours while suppliers last!


Looking Ahead

This desert world has already seen drastic change during the Sundering (or the 'first' Cataclysm). The next Cataclysm just might revert the zone into a more original state. There's no question about it: everything that lives on the canyon floor and the salty flats will lie underwater when Cataclysm strikes.

Will there be enough warning to evacuate the centaur and raceway operators before the floods come? Or will everything simply be swallowed up and forgotten? Centuries from now, will deep-water divers stumble upon vast tracts of rocket car rubble and wonder how it got there? Will the monumental Great Lift fall into disuse and decay? What will become of the ancient civilization that was only barely unearthed at the dig-site?

It's likely that all civilization will follow in the Horde's footsteps and move to higher ground. The pinnacles that remain above sea-level will become new settlements (or, in the case of Darkcloud Pinnacle and Freewind Post, grow into a networked island complex). Life will take root on the coasts of the new inland sea—the previously inaccessible plateaus high above the canyon—and learn to thrive in its new environment. The goblins of Mirage Raceway will adapt to seafaring life; perhaps they'll find some new sport to amuse themselves once the ocean closes around them.

Exhibit: Dire Maul

Welcome to the first exhibit in the Digital Museum! Dire Maul is one of my favourite in-game spaces, almost on par with Karazhan. There's just so much to do, to see, and to collect in the instance's three varied wings. A big tourist attraction of Dire Maul is all the party items you find within the zone. I'm the type of person who has a portable hole and half a gigantique bag full of vanity items, which are either unusable or only see the light during slow moments sitting around in ICC raids. Dire Maul has a lot to contribute to a vanity collection, so be sure to visit the gift shop!

Directory

1. The Broken Commons
   
2. East Wing
   
3. North Wing
   
4. The Athenaeum
   
5. West Wing
   
6. Gift Shop
   
7. Looking Ahead

The Broken Commons

Dire Maul as a whole is all that remains of a once-grand city of elven origin, known at that time as Eldre'Thalas. The central courtyard area of the city was probably once very spectacular, but now lies in ruins with crumbled granite strewn around. The Broken Commons is outside the instance proper, but contains one of the zone's biggest attractions: The Maul! The Maul is one of Azeroth's PvA arenas, where it's truly every man for himself. The only escape from the high-walled pit is a small door, and an eager goblin observer named Griniblix watches like a hawk from his vantage point atop the wall. On rare occasions, an infamous gladiator will spawn inside The Maul; Griniblix quickly spots the creature and shouts out the news, as well as when someone engages it in combat. You can hear his notifications from inside the instance, too, so the arena adds another dimension to the Dire Maul experience. There are a few different gladiators that might appear in the arena: the elemental Mushgog who fills the arena floor with herb nodes; the tameable chimaera The Razza; and the ogre Skarr the Unbreakable. All of these rare gladiators have a chance of dropping the coveted Orb of Deception.

East

On the outskirts of the Broken Commons is Eldreth Row, a series of wide open-air hallways now filled with rubble and ogres. To a newcomer, the only accessible door leading deeper into the city is at the eastern end of Eldreth Row (keys are required for all the other doors). The whole Eastern wing of Dire Maul is in a state of rampant overgrowth, filled with malevolent plant life.

Your first steps into the instance bring you to the Warpwood Quarter on a mezzanine that is teeming with life: treants, lashers, and ancients shamble about, herbs sprout from crevices, and seed pods burst open at the slightest disturbance. Enormous tree roots have worked their way through the walls, eroding the magnificent stone architecture and obscuring the walkways. The mezzanine overlooks a courtyard garden, hidden from view by a veil of treetops.

Among the wandering flora is a playful little imp named Pusillin. He starts out fun-loving and friendly, and although you quickly realize he possesses the much-needed Crescent Key—essential for accessing the rest of the ruined city—all he wants to do is play tag! The happy-go-lucky fellow speaks in rhyme and leads you incrementally further into the instance. If you eventually corner the imp, he turns nasty and fights back (one could argue that you bring it upon yourself by hurling insults at the little demon, but you have little choice in the matter). Once you've defeated him, you can retrieve your Crescent Key as well as a cooking recipe for tubers. The imp's key opens a secret exit onto the Lariss Pavilion, where the Shen'dralar exile Azj'Tordin laments the loss of his favourite book.

The ancient city has indoor areas as well as the open-air courtyards. Narrow, winding hallways often lead into dank, high-roofed chambers. In this Eastern wing, the indoor areas are now entirely occupied by malevolent satyrs, demons, and angry plants. Deep within the main Eastern building is a sunken area like a Roman bath, patrolled by the elemental Hydrospawn. One satyr in particular—Zevrim Thornhoof—engages in occult practices at an altar in an upper level of a chamber, where he maintains a curse over important friendly beings.

Back in the Warpwood Quarter, sunlight filters through a thick treetop canopy into the Conservatory, the garden area below the mezzanine you entered upon. The Conservatory is dark but lush, and populated by wandering plants and squirrels. A sunbeam cuts through the canopy and falls squarely upon Old Ironbark, the friendly ancient cursed by the satyr Thornhoof. Although the curse immobilizes Old Ironbark and prevents him from doing more than uttering a faint plea, Thornhoof's demise frees the ancient to destroy the heavy door barring your escape from the overgrown garden.

The door leads to the open-air Shrine of Eldretharr, now penetrated by the area's warped plant life. All the evil beings of the whole Eastern wing are drawn to the area by the work of Alzzin the Windshaper, a satyr holed up in the Temple where he has slowly corrupted the Fruit of Fertility into an evil Felvine (Rabine Saturna in Moonglade has a wealth of botanical knowledge on the subject). With Alzzin's death, his power over the Felvine and the Temple as a whole evaporates; the vine withers and drops its fel fruit, and a wall crumbles to expose an escape tunnel through the tree roots and earth. The shards that fall from the withered Felvine are the sort of dangerous thing that you might unwittingly carry around without realizing that you ought to be handling them much more carefully. Rabine would be aghast if he knew you put one in your pocket without first sealing it safely within a Reliquary of Purity—but what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

North

The Northern wing of Dire Maul is the domain of the Gordok Ogres and their canine companions; in this way, it's an extension of the Broken Commons atmosphere. The stone architecture in this wing is becoming overgrown, just as the Eastern wing was, and is slowly crumbling. The ogres mill around their bonfires, chatting, dancing, and telling jokes.

Stomper Kreeg swings between a drunken dance and a drunken slumber; when provoked, he'll fly into a drunken rage. Winning a fistfight with him will reward you with a variety of alcoholic delights—you might even be able to brew up a batch of Captain Rumsey's Lager if the ogre hasn't drunk every last drop of stout and mead. Leaving him in peace, though, also has its rewards; Kreeg will offer friendlies either a taste test, or a chance to buy some exclusive spirits. To draw out Kreeg's good side, you'll need to usurp the kingdom of Gordok as your own by overthrowing the King.

Inside a chest standing in the middle of a courtyard's raised centre, you'll find the key to the North wing's indoor section. Be warned, the chest belongs to Guard Fengus and he might be displeased to stumble upon you. Despite being confined to ball and chain amongst beefy ogres, Knot Thimblejack looks very well pleased. All the same, he spends his time plotting his escape, and exhorts anyone who will listen to either find a key (the key, rather) or get a nearby broken trap in working order so as to eliminate the patrolling Guard Mol'dar. Thimblejack is also handy with a needle and thread, and can whip up a very convincing ogre costume when provided with the right materials—a pattern that he freely shares with anyone who is also adept at needlework, tailors and leatherworkers alike. As much as he loves to sew likenesses of his captors, his main goal is escape; if you should find it in your heart to obtain a key to his shackles and release him, he gratefully bequeaths you his box of crafting materials and patterns.

Upstairs, the chambers give way to the open-air apex of the Northern wing: King Gordok's throne room. Here the King stands, surrounded by his closest advisers. His reign is tenuous, though, and his crafty advisers are willing to accept new applications for kingship. In fact, you just have to ask and they'll crown you the new King. With kingship comes the reward of having your subjects pay tribute.

The Athenaeum

Between the Northern and Western quarters of the ancient city is the Athenaeum, where the remnants of the Shen'dralar maintain an extensive library sealed off from the rest of the city by heavily-locked doors. It could well be the Alexandrian Library of Azeroth, containing copies of all the world's knowledge. Unfortunately for the chief librarian Lorekeeper Lydros, several volumes are missing from the shelves and are scattered about the entire city, languishing in ogres' pockets and lying forgotten upon the crumbling streets. The library rewards anyone who returns these overdue books, though for some volumes they charge a small fine (a few brilliant shards and an expensive diamond, among other things).

The Athenaeum contains other wondrous items that offer a glimpse into the long-forgotten past. A large orrery stands in the room, and the reconstructed skeleton of a large flying creature—presumably some prehistoric dragon—hangs from the ceiling. Lying upon the floor near a bookshelf are the skeletal remains of Kariel Winthalus, who reportedly fled to the Athenaeum with several ancient artifacts in tow. Lorekeeper Lydros seems relatively unfazed by the corpse lying at his feet, though he argues that he's in no position to question the actions of Prince Tortheldrin, Winthalus' murderer. The Prince himself stands within the Athenaeum; he was once a loyal subject of Queen Azhara, but the decay of the city around him—which he once ruled—must have taken its toll. His recent actions call his better judgement into question; aside from slaying Winthalus, the Prince has imprisoned the demon Immol'thar to act as a battery powering the city's magical appetite via siphoned demonic power—though the arcane shackles that keep the demon contained have become tenuous as the cost of imprisonment begins to outweigh the power derived. A locked door leads from the Athenaeum into the Western quarter of the ruined city.

West

If the lush Conservatory, protruding tree roots, and clambering ivy are the Spring of Dire Maul, then the Western wing of the instance is the Autumn. The Capital Gardens were once, perhaps, a beautiful city park, but the ages have settled upon them. Here, the treants and ancients are dry and browning; stark trees stand leafless, only a shadow of their former manicured selves. The cool marble colonnades are lined with statuary depicting stags, bears, and huntresses, lending an autumnal feel of the hunt. The hallways have the crisp feel of the onset of cool weather driving away the green and vitality of summer; only a minimum of subdued brown vines cling to the walls.

The Western wing is permeated by the arcane powers of Prince Tortheldrin; here stand the pylons that maintain the Prince's power over the resident demon, Immol'thar. Just West of the Capital Gardens stands the Court of the Highborne. This area is haunted by numerous long-dead (and undead) memories: deceased Highborne now roam the chambers as wraiths, banshees, and ghosts; in the open-air areas are animated skeletons accompanied by faerie dragons; the undead huntress Illyanna Ravenoak and her ghastly pet Ferra patrol the upper mezzanine; benevolent Shen'dralar wisps flit along the corridors while the ghost of a Shen'dralar Ancient awaits helpful travelers; and in the central courtyard stands the ancient Tendris Warpwood, jailor of the Ancient Equine Spirit beloved of paladins.

Tendris Warpwood also defends the door leading into the Prison of Immol'thar. There, the last remaining arcane pylons power an immense force field containing the demon. With the destruction of all the pylons, Immol'thar breaks loose of his waning bonds and attacks the few nearby Shen'dralar jailors. Being the one responsible for setting the demon loose, it is your duty to destroy him. Doing so, however, infuriates the Shen'dralar Prince. Should you venture back to the Athenaeum, you will find him hostile.

Gift Shop

• Warpwood Pods: These grow in the Eastern and Northern city quarters, though they are much more abundant in the East. Opening them can have a variety of results. Best case scenario, you'll get a Thornling Seed and maybe some tuber snacks (see below). On the other hand, it might spawn several herb-laden lashers, or unleash a noxious cloud of choking spores.
  
  
  • Thornling Seed. It may just be because I'm a druid, but I love Azeroth's animated plants. These seeds can be stored in packets of 5 inside your bags. A thornling starts to grow as soon as you plant the seed, and at full maturity radiates a tiny AoE.
    
  • Runn Tum Tuber: These can be eaten raw, but the playful imp Pusillin drops a recipe so that you can cook up the delicious roots.
    
• Dusty Tomes: You might find Nat Pagle's Extreme Anglin', or one of the many volumes missing from the Athenaeum's collection. They're sometimes scattered about the ruined city streets.
  
  
• Orb of Deception. This drops from gladiators like The Razza who appear in the arena. It's a trinket that turns you into a member of the opposite faction (my NE becomes a Forsaken) for 5 minutes. This is just the type of souvenir people always ask you to bring back for them.
  


• Felvine Shard: As I mentioned earlier, it's allegedly dangerous to carry these around, and the shards themselves have no use; but they drop off the withered vine whether you like it or not, and you're free to take one as a keepsake.

• Gordok Ogre Suit. Sadly, the costume is unique so you can only carry one at a time, and it's a long way to go to pick up a new one. The imprisoned goblin Knot Thimblejack can whip up a costume for you in a jiffy if you give him the materials. He also freely shares his pattern with tailors and leatherworkers, so if you have a stock of tannin you can easily make more wherever you are. The costume is so convincing that it will fool many of the local ogre inhabitants into thinking you're friendly.
  
  
• Ogre Tannin: Stored in a basket on a balcony above Thimblejack, this tannin is the secret ingredient in crafting Ogre Suits. The little goblin also occasionally has some in his own materials stash.
  

• Knot Thimblejack's Cache: In exchange for his freedom, Knot will leave you his belongings. The cache can contain extra tannin, leathers and dragonscales, cloth, and patterns.
  
  
• Gordok Crown: This is a sense of achievement rather than a keepsake. Defeating King Gordok leaves the ogres leaderless, and they are happy to anoint you as their new King. Mizzle the Crafty performs the induction ceremony.
  
  
• Gordok Tribute Chest: although the contents will probably be of little interest, Mizzle the Crafty is happy to pull out this treasure chest at your command.
  
  
• Specialty Liquors: once your crown is safely in hand, don't forget to stop by Stomper Kreeg for a few choice refreshments.
  

Looking Ahead

Dire Maul as we know it today has already 'survived' one cataclysm: the Great Sundering at the end of the War of the Ancients, 10,000 years ago, though it is certainly not the magnificent city it once was. There's no telling what effect another cataclysmic event might have on the city, or what new inhabitants it might find in its courtyards.